I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
