I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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