got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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