"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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