You're completely useless in the revolution.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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