I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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