theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My Sexting was not on an AP level
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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