if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
