There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
