Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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