Got a toothbrush?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
