I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
