I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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