great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't deserve a penis
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
