If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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