Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
