Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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