I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
