I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i was born a porn star she said
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
