Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she looked like the before picture.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Someone signed my nipple.
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