One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
