i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
