then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
