Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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