So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
wanna go halves on a baby?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I think I just sharted jello shots
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