but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
