OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
