I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
