Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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