captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
