You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
God, I missed his penis.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
