Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
