no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
