so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
