I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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