Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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