Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
