i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We just shotgunned beers for America
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
