I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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