never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize