he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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