Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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