oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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