Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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