i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
