We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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