so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize