omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
