dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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