I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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