I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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