i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
