so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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