In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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