Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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