this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
