she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
