WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
