What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
