Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
