Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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