she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
