Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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