first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
