Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
