I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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