Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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