Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
