Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
